Sunday, April 16, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
I wake up, stretch my arms, open my eyes – smile and say – “I’m gonna be happy today, no matter what. I’ll not think about the nightmares. I’ll let absolutely nothing upset me today.”
I jump off the bed and get ready for the “happy day”. The empty walls and loneliness greet me, but I keep humming as I move around – “I’m happy!”
Get ready, look at myself in the mirror – I look pretty….another reason to make me smile!
I refuse to read the newspaper – its full of accidents and floods, murders, earthquakes, rapes……everything that’ll never make anyone happy. Ignorance is definitely a bliss!
I step out, take a deep breath and start my day……….
Yes! I really feel happy now!
I hear a fire-engine far away, the sharp noise of the bells clanging frantically, filling the air with a sense of urgency. Someone’s house is burning down perhaps, somebody’s world is falling apart…..
I’m safe and I’m happy !
I hear a siren coming closer - an ambulance speeds past…..some accident? Heart attack? Burnt?
Who cares? I can’t help them. At least I’m safe and happy.
A dog lying in the middle of the road ; perhaps run over by a speeding vehicle. I slow down. The sight of blood makes my heart lurch, but instantly I ignore and move away.
Afterall, I have to be happy.
I make an attempt to not look at those beggars on the streetside today, sitting with their begging bowls – the lepers, the crippled, the old, blind and the deaf, with small emaciated children running around – sans clothes, sans food, sans education, sans “life” in totality.
But I’m happy!
Few minutes halt at the traffic signal. I hear snatches of some news headlines from the street peddlers selling newspapers….
“earthquake in some corner of the world, millions injured.
A cyclone killing thousands of people elsewhere.
A volcano erupts in Japan killing hundreds of people.
A bomb explosion and terrorist attack somewhere…”
I ignore the all……I’m happy!
Oh yes! Mughal Gardens, rashtrapati bhavan open for public from today! I smile at the thought of lovely flowers.
Life sure is beautiful…there’s so much to make us happy, so many reasons to smile, so much to enjoy and cherish.
Heard so many people claim to be “emotional” and “sensitive”…
Afterall, haven’t I been sensitive to the world around me the whole day?
I am sensitive, so I shut my eyes. I can’t see so much pain and suffering, so I close my eyes and pretend they never existed at all!
Remembered a friend – he was so disturbed by the plight of people and the pain and suffering in India that he decided to settle abroad where he wouldn’t have to see those beggars and slums, the sight of which pained him so much. I call him escapist.
Sensitive people like him and me can definitely make this world a better place to live in….
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Lest I lose it !
I am scared of this love,
What if I cannot keep it with me ?”
Love is powerful, can one ignore it?
It drew me close with its sweet smell, and I followed absolutely mesmerized.
Now I am scared lest I get intoxicated by its fragrance – my mind absolutely overpowered and clouded – so much so that my life seems to be reduced to just regaling in the sensuality of its sweetness.
It drew me close like a brook does – swift, fresh sparkling water flowing in its glory. I was captivated by the shiny silver water and the sweet gurgling sound….
I kept flowing with the current, felt the liquid softness wash over me, caress me ,till the fear of being drowned started setting in – the harsh reality, the hard stones hurting at the bottom, bruising me as the brook dragged me along.
It drew me close like the green hills….it was fascinating like the cool autumn breeze and I felt it against my face as I closed my eyes, spread my hands wide and ran down the slope…….fast and faster till suddenly I realized I had lost control – was just running uncontrollably – almost into a dark abyss ; dark only because I had my eyes shut !
Before I realized, it was too late.
I had lost my love.
More importantly, I had lost myself.
Perhaps I could never understand love, life, either? Both?
Ignorance is bliss.
Do I want it?