Friday, March 10, 2006

"Desert rose" for me......

I live in the deserts, and wish for a lotus..! A perfectly unnatural and impossible combination I've realised. Absolutely unthinkable. And then i blame the lotus for depriving me! Wouldn't it die with me?
I must learn to live in the sands with my very own rose.....for even though it has thorns, its at least mine, its at least with me.
well, It doesn't "sting" anymore.
The matrimonial ads….

“Wanted……a beautiful, fair, slim, simple professionally qualified homely girl for……blah blah……”

I’ve always wondered what these men wanted? A “professional” “homely” girl ?sounds pretty confusing to me. I’m sure he must be just as confused. I wouldn’t be surprised if 90% of the male population who are on the lookout for their perfect “brides” through such advertisements are in such confused state. So, would they want an MBBS, or an engineer or for that matter an MBA girl as a “homely housewife” for them?
Perhaps the degree or the professional qualification would sound nice and bombastic while boasting about it to others (would add to his “status” you see) while he would still expect her to “sacrifice” her career aspirations to the more important role of being the perfect wife and mother. What he wants is perhaps a good combination of a “caring mother”, a stylish modern and savvy girlfriend to show off as an ornament over his arm, a perfect cook and washerwoman , a perfect combo of a person who’d accompany him to his corporate parties as well as not mind donning the apron everyday at home, hovering over him all day long.
Am not at all against educated housewives. In fact I applaud those women who choose to give up their aspirations because they want to be there for their family and kids…..women who prefer being a “home manager” rather than being the same with some firm. I’m gonna be one among them if given a choice. Afterall this requires a lot of expertise too! What is important here is the element of CHOICE…..while I wonder how many in our society are free to exercise this choice.
There are instances and cases of ego-clash between man and wife over the job related issues where the wife has to give up in majority of cases…whether it is regarding work schedule, transfer of the wife to a different place, wife earning more than the husband, sharing of responsibilities at home and so on and so forth…...the list could be a long one. Talking about the “greatness of women as a mother” and their expertise in handling and managing their “dual role” with a job as well, men still expect their wives to handle the kitchen and the kids ( plus their homework and school activities ) as well after a long day in office. Its women’s domain you see !

On second thoughts……
On second thoughts, I can’t blame the men alone. Afterall I’ve seen almost all the men in my life ( be it grandfather, my dad, my uncles…) as the perfect support to their working wives. It’s the perfect “husband loving doting traditional wife” who’d still hate to see her husband in the kitchen – the forbidden territory for men !These are the ones who raise the expectations of other men as well who expect their wife to be ready at their service every moment, at their beck-and-call…..something which is quite impossible for the working women of today. As if the only way to love one’s husband was keeping him away from the hearth! Or if they think men are incompetent enough to handle a knife in the kitchen or that they would be out of place within that area, high time that they woke up to the fact that men can be far better at even changing nappies ,leave alone being creative in the kitchen.
Let us accept, its not about role reversal when we talk about men in the kitchen or women at workplace. Its about versatility, about sharing of responsibilities, about caring and about doing what one wishes to.
I have a word for women who take it as their sole responsibility for “perfection” as wives whose “paradise” lie at their husbands’ feet – they create problems for a lot of other women. While these housewives think that they show their love for their husband by not letting him take even a glass of water by himself, or not letting him move “even a finger” while at home, such examples lead to the expectation of every house to have such a perfect “K-serial” bahu for them as well. If this is what love is all about, then there is a lot of problem for the career women who are not able to do all this for their husband, for lack of time, and also because they don’t feel the need. Afterall would it be a big deal if the husband himself got his own glass of water? And get the same for his wife as well (that’s what grandmas would see as worse still…Shiva Shiva !) when she gets back from office?
Now that’s what I’d see as perfect love, care and understanding each other’s needs and keeping away from unnecessary expectations.
In short, the best things in life are simple, only if we let them be. Only if people realized the importance of simplicity…..living the way they wish to instead of peeping into other people’s lives and comparing different situations. Afterall, there’s just a few hard core rules in life; everything else is conditional, relational, situational and subjective to a lot of other factors. Simplicity is the keyword…the mantra to harmony and happiness.

The art…..

Heard someone saying….. “Cooking ! I don’t even know how to boil an egg !”
Nothing unusual..20 plus “dainty ladies” boasting about not knowing how to boil tea or eggs……the “delicate darlings”, all set to “rule” the world ! How elite !
Who said one needed to know even the nominal cooking to survive in this world?

What we fail to realize that one needs to know at least the basics, at least for oneself if not for your husband ( this is how girls usually scorn….. “are we gonna turn into cooks for our husbands ? No way !)

The real essence lies in treating it as an art – doing everything with interest and finesse, giving it your best shot…..the creative you and the use of your sensory powers and you are sure never to go wrong. I consider myself one among the privileged few who developed a liking and an interest for this art quite early in life ( though I’m slightly losing the much needed patience ). Can’t say that I started preparing early, keeping in mind that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” It just fascinated me and the praise that I’d get was the added bonus !
I remember all my friends telling me that my husband would be very lucky to have me as a wife simply b’cos I cooked well. However, it’s a different story altogether now, given that he is a far better cook and a better food critic as well.
But then, I’m ready to enjoy the privileges of sharing my life with a perfectionist……hope he’ll help me excel too!

Just realized the magic of good food….this is it! Am ending on such an optimistic cheerful note even though I began on a terribly scornful one. Well, the very thought of good food is enough to make me smile :).
And for all those delicate darlings yet to learn the art of boiling eggs, make sure that your husband is patient enough to hear you through this dialogue, and secondly make sure he knows cooking and is willing to teach you as well. Otherwise, you must be at least well off enough to have perfect “kitchen crew” who’d never go on a single leave …..cos of course, you don’t even know how to boil tea! Happy “dependence on servants” to you !

Monday, March 06, 2006

A Prayer...

This is my prayer to thee my Lord,
strike at the root of penury in my heart.
Give me the strength that i need to bear all joys and sorrows,
'cos being happy and sad both take an effort.
Let me strive towards that stage when i can experience things beyond happiness and sadness,
being indifferent to the extent that i dont let exterior factors affect my emotions.
Let the source of everything lie within me..... "Cos if something makes me happy, not having it will make me sad as well.
Help me move out of this worldly cycle of trivialities.
Dear Lord, help me move beyond the frivolity of dreams and wishes and aspirations and ambitions...
Help me rise like a phoenix from its own ashes......
Help me move closer to you, to move closer to myself.....my own inner self....my soul.
Thanks for making me the chosen one.....for giving me all of the "joy" that i deserve......thanks for making me a part of your "Anand".

words from my diary....

The only thing constant in life is change.....
...so am waiting for constancy in my life......