Friday, March 10, 2006

The matrimonial ads….

“Wanted……a beautiful, fair, slim, simple professionally qualified homely girl for……blah blah……”

I’ve always wondered what these men wanted? A “professional” “homely” girl ?sounds pretty confusing to me. I’m sure he must be just as confused. I wouldn’t be surprised if 90% of the male population who are on the lookout for their perfect “brides” through such advertisements are in such confused state. So, would they want an MBBS, or an engineer or for that matter an MBA girl as a “homely housewife” for them?
Perhaps the degree or the professional qualification would sound nice and bombastic while boasting about it to others (would add to his “status” you see) while he would still expect her to “sacrifice” her career aspirations to the more important role of being the perfect wife and mother. What he wants is perhaps a good combination of a “caring mother”, a stylish modern and savvy girlfriend to show off as an ornament over his arm, a perfect cook and washerwoman , a perfect combo of a person who’d accompany him to his corporate parties as well as not mind donning the apron everyday at home, hovering over him all day long.
Am not at all against educated housewives. In fact I applaud those women who choose to give up their aspirations because they want to be there for their family and kids…..women who prefer being a “home manager” rather than being the same with some firm. I’m gonna be one among them if given a choice. Afterall this requires a lot of expertise too! What is important here is the element of CHOICE…..while I wonder how many in our society are free to exercise this choice.
There are instances and cases of ego-clash between man and wife over the job related issues where the wife has to give up in majority of cases…whether it is regarding work schedule, transfer of the wife to a different place, wife earning more than the husband, sharing of responsibilities at home and so on and so forth…...the list could be a long one. Talking about the “greatness of women as a mother” and their expertise in handling and managing their “dual role” with a job as well, men still expect their wives to handle the kitchen and the kids ( plus their homework and school activities ) as well after a long day in office. Its women’s domain you see !

On second thoughts……
On second thoughts, I can’t blame the men alone. Afterall I’ve seen almost all the men in my life ( be it grandfather, my dad, my uncles…) as the perfect support to their working wives. It’s the perfect “husband loving doting traditional wife” who’d still hate to see her husband in the kitchen – the forbidden territory for men !These are the ones who raise the expectations of other men as well who expect their wife to be ready at their service every moment, at their beck-and-call…..something which is quite impossible for the working women of today. As if the only way to love one’s husband was keeping him away from the hearth! Or if they think men are incompetent enough to handle a knife in the kitchen or that they would be out of place within that area, high time that they woke up to the fact that men can be far better at even changing nappies ,leave alone being creative in the kitchen.
Let us accept, its not about role reversal when we talk about men in the kitchen or women at workplace. Its about versatility, about sharing of responsibilities, about caring and about doing what one wishes to.
I have a word for women who take it as their sole responsibility for “perfection” as wives whose “paradise” lie at their husbands’ feet – they create problems for a lot of other women. While these housewives think that they show their love for their husband by not letting him take even a glass of water by himself, or not letting him move “even a finger” while at home, such examples lead to the expectation of every house to have such a perfect “K-serial” bahu for them as well. If this is what love is all about, then there is a lot of problem for the career women who are not able to do all this for their husband, for lack of time, and also because they don’t feel the need. Afterall would it be a big deal if the husband himself got his own glass of water? And get the same for his wife as well (that’s what grandmas would see as worse still…Shiva Shiva !) when she gets back from office?
Now that’s what I’d see as perfect love, care and understanding each other’s needs and keeping away from unnecessary expectations.
In short, the best things in life are simple, only if we let them be. Only if people realized the importance of simplicity…..living the way they wish to instead of peeping into other people’s lives and comparing different situations. Afterall, there’s just a few hard core rules in life; everything else is conditional, relational, situational and subjective to a lot of other factors. Simplicity is the keyword…the mantra to harmony and happiness.

1 comment:

meenal said...

everything u write is perfect in its true manner.There is no ifs n buts in that. I know you understand the life and its different situations and conditions very precisely.