Forwarding A's mails to him, came across the word so often that it seems to cloud my mind. Ithaca reminds me of the poem that i read during Grads, " Journey to Ithaca".However i'm not fascinated with Ithaca for the reason that A is (afterall what have I to do with Cornell University? And even if i was interested, that would never get me a place there how hard i tried in the present situation).
What fascinated me is the idea of journey...'cos i really want to get away for a while ....escape somewhere far from all this chaos, confusion and tensions that seem to envelope me like a shroud.
Craving for peace, which deludes me at work ( 'cos my training period is about to get over and job hunting doesn't seem easy considering the present constraints ) and at home as well ( its impossible if you live with so many people...the count has never been less than 7 except for two lone days till now, and currently its 10).
Actually i do feel good about being a part of Baba's "darbar" , but still i'd be lying if i said its not taking a toll on my patience. Had work been good i would have a reason to smile. But its not, and i "need" to get a job or else lots of things will go haywire......
Don't know how long will it be before i'm able to get an adequate bank-balance leave alone a decent one.
Its all so very frustrating...each day comes with a new problem, new challenges and there seems to be no end to all these never ending crises. Feels as if i have been drawn into this constant battle that involves our family, but i have just begun my life !! Am scared to ask, but only if i could know how long is it all gonna last?
Trying to escape from office, trying to get away from home........have i really become an escapist? i'd hate myself if i did, cos i've always believed in facing the situations, defeating the odds against me...though i'm yet to see if i'm able to do it this time. I remember ,there was a time when i did so and still nothing helped. Hoping situations are not as bad this time.....