Thursday, December 09, 2010

Random thoughts......

Its been 5 years…5 long years actually. And I have grown…matured…for the good or worse that can still be debated. From the sweet docile introvert to the outrageously outspoken and extrovert person, time has hardened me in a way where its difficult for me to trust any outsider or anyone blindly. Not sure if I can myself as well!

TRUST is a very difficult word and easily misused. And easily breakable too, either by near and dear ones or outsiders at the earliest outset. The thumb rule, no one needs your help and no one needs you to solve their problems. Just let people be and they’ll figure out. Helping others might just end up making you feel like a fool (while you might have given your heart and soul to honestly try and help!)

We just got back from a vacation and the idea was to get “rejuvenated”. But the fact is, you can change the place and the settings, but its difficult to change the people we are. Where ever we are, we end up thinking about the same things and worrying about the same things which we try and escape for some time. I ended up doing the same!! The holiday in fact gave me more time to “worry about” things that had been worrying me over the time. The purpose was defeated and ended up feeling too guilty to even talk about it!

That brings me to another side of the story. Either the problem lies with me, not being able to avoid negative thoughts. Or everyone around me is actually negative as I think. I will not deny the fact that may be I’m negative too, but then people around aren’t helping much either. For instance, grownups who refuse to change their habits, or bring a positive change in their lives only end up changing their ringtones and caller tunes!! How much of it can one take!! You just feel like shaking them hard and pulling them out of their comfort zone and screaming loud…”don’t you realize what you are doing?”Beyond a point it has all become too much for me to handle and my already brimming patience level seems to have spilled over now, spreading all the bitterness around. No doubt I’m scared..of where all this will lead to, where it’ll all take me. Since nothing better can follow, I’ll only end up ruining things for myself. But then this self awareness isn’t helping me either!