If I were to be reborn…………..would I want my life the way I have lived? Would I want to go through the same set of emotions, commit the same mistakes, meet the same people, etc…..
Saturday’s newspaper had an article in which Pooja Bhatt confessed she has learnt a lot from her life, from her mistakes and if she were to be reborn, she’d want everything just the way they have been in this life.
Though I have had a fairly easy and comfortable life, and even I have learnt from my mistakes ( a lot of them actually ), yet there are a lot of things which I’d want to change if given a second chance. Not from my first 20 years of my life though..cos those were the best years of my life…..pure, unadulterated, uncomplicated, sheltered and protected life, where there was just perfection, innocence, love, faith, everything that I took for granted ‘cos that was linked to my family. My family is one thing that I wouldn’t want to change for anything….for its just them who’ve always loved me unconditionally, who’ve never judged me, who’ve accepted me the way I am, forgave all my mistakes and have been with me through the thick and thin of life, during times when I was happy, when I was depressed, when I wanted to run away and live, when I wanted to kill myself never to see life again ……. Nobody can be as patient with me as they have been.
And then my friends, who’ve been there with me, helped me get stronger, helped me gain so many experiences, helped me recuperate from the mental and emotional upheavals that weighed upon me during my years away from home.
Its difficult at times to pretend to be happy when something deep within still feels empty, hollow, a kind of void that stems out of dissatisfaction…..something that makes me feel as if I’m a misfit, somewhat out of place, some kind of intruder, where nothing seems to be mine, the way I’d want things to be, the way I thought they’d be…..
Is it some kind of make-believe world that I have created around me, a kind of hallucination where I see only the things that I want to, the way I want to, instead of the real picture. Can I go on living in a delusion forever? Happiness is a state of mind, and I feel happy when I say I’m happy, so that’s the state I have created even though I’m still not sure what exactly is it. I was happy earlier too……
Anyways, I have tasted perfection and will not settle for anything less. Either the earlier one needs to be demystified or the present mystified. Was that the perfect love, or is this the more real one?
Only if I had the answers…..